Always do what you are afraid to do!

The sudden blast of wind woke me up! Where the fuck am I? You were supposed to rest for a minute you dumbfuck, not sleep for 20 minutes! Okay, okay, calm down. It’s 5:30 AM and I am 21 and half hours into the race. The cut-off for 78K is 6:00 AM. I have a 2.3K climb up to Beacon Hill with 30 minutes to the cut-off. Not inspiring confidence, considering the fact that I have barely been averaging 30 minutes/km through the night. Yes, you read that right, 30 min/km for the entire night! 🐌

Stand up, take a deep breathe, sip some water and let’s get going. I have 2.3K to run, hundreds of stairs to climb, 30 minutes flat. One step at a time, that was my motto the whole night but it’s time to give my all now. I didn’t travel all this way, spend 22 hours on the course to miss the cut-off now!

“Choose courage over comfort. Choose whole hearts over armor. Chose the great adventure of being brave and afraid at the exact same time” — Brene Brown

January 17 and we finally landed! After all the self-doubt after 2 pretty slow 50K races, getting through VISA issues with the Hong Kong immigration, I had one foot out of the door all this while. But we are finally here and it’s go time. We booked our stay at a nice cozy hostel — Hopinn. It was the perfect home to settle in, meet new people and spend our week there! 🙌

The first thing in order was to get in some food and go collect our bibs. The bib collection process was super smooth. Met Sze Wun who along with the RD Janetwere my saviors to sort out my VISA issues and enable me to be part of this beautiful race😍. We got our drop bags, a bandana, a really good tee from Kailas, a hand towel, a super cool water tatoo of the elevation map and a reusable cup (HK100 eliminated the use of plastic at the CPs, so we had to carry our own cups for food, soup, etc. which was a super cool initiative to keep the use of plastic at a minimum!) along with the bib.

It’s 5:50 AM, I am still about a km away from the 78K CP. I can hear the music blasting out at the CP. It was so near yet so far! I was giving it my all, running up the stairs, not paying heed to the burning quads or the mind asking my body to stop. I was so near yet so far. Finishing this race was my obsession/dream for the better part of 2018 and now I can see that dream slip away from my hands. My eyes tear up and I began crying. But there was no time to stop. I still had to move. I may just about make it in time!

Before we realised, the race day was finally here! We woke up early morning, got done with all the biological stuff, got in some calories, took the cab to the start point. I was surprised with how smooth everything went. It felt way too good to be true. Right when I was thinking that, I realised I lost the cap of one of my sippers. I searched for it a for a while and then just gave up hope. I wanted to remain calm, control what I can. But Srini, the mile cruncher who tagged along from Hyderabad didn’t give up. He went around, found my cap, cleaned it up for me and gave it to me. At that moment, the Anil Kapoor in me felt like shouting Whhatt A Player! 👅

Start Line — It was a super sweet gesture to have the national flags of all the participants 🐾

“Every single one of us possesses the strength to attempt something he isn’t sure he can accomplish. It can be running a mile, or a 10K race, or 100 miles. It can be changing a career, losing 5 pounds, or telling someone you love her (or him).” — Scott Jurek

3..2..1 and here we go, it’s tango time! 💃 This time I am not going to be stupid. I am starting super slow, hiking up all climbs, running all flats and downs, sticking to my nutrition and hydration plan and reaching the 57K CP as fresh as possible and even a bit guilty for being so slow. But the goal was super clear, save those legs till the 57K CP, be on top of my game and then go hunting.

Much like the international taxation work I do, my goal was three-tiered coming into this race⁉️ The first and foremost goal was just to finish. Just finishing would have given me enough points to apply for CCC come 2020. The second goal was to get in a sub-24 hour finish. This would mean a Western States qualifier and I was super intent on collecting the tickets to increase my chances of getting into this iconic race 5–6 years down the line. The more outer, my kind of a dream goal was to have a superb race and get in a sub 16 hour finish!

Coming back to the race, I stuck to my plan. I was taking it super easy, hiking all climbs, getting in my nutrition and being extra careful and babying my quads on the downhills. I realised the sub 16 goal was out of question during the first 20K. It was hot and humid and I was being super careful and slow on the stairs while going downhill. I loved running down those stairs but at the same time, I just wasn’t efficient enough to run them at the effort I want and still save up my quads for the entire 103.5K! However, I stuck to my guns and was taking my time moving without bothering about the time and pace. Coming from Hyderabad, I expected the weather to be a non-issue but it was a bit hot and humid to my liking. It wasn’t a major issue though, I just adjusted my water and electrolyte intake accordingly and got going!

It was smooth sailing till CP3 at Hoi Ha. I was chatting with other runners and trekkers on the trail, taking my time sinking in the views, eating my food. This has got to be one of the most beautiful races where you are in the mountains one moment and running right next to the sea the next! Coming back to CP3, it was like I was all fine one moment, I was barely able to eat anything next. This brings us to the stupid mistake No. 1 that I made! Back to June, when I was doing Comrades, I had back up plan for my back up plan. My initial plan was to use the Nut butter but when it was too cold and the butter froze, I could easily transition to the gels. Towards the fag end, when I was loosing my appetite for gels, I transitioned to home-made laddus. It was that well planned out. I don’t know how I did this, but the nut butter was for some reason getting me nauseous. It was either that or the rice cake I had at CP3 and I barely had the appetite for anything now. But unlike Comrades, I wasn’t carrying any gels, laddus or anything else apart from the nut butter and some dates. There was nothing to fall back on except relying on the CP’s for food now! I got to CP4 (50K) after 9 hours and 13 minutes from the start. My legs were super fresh and strong, my breathing was normal, the sun was going down but I knew I had a huge calorie deficit. I sat down at the CP, took my time, tried eating some solid food, but I immediately started dry heaving, felt pukish and nauseous. So I spent some time at the CP, switched to hot chocolate, some soup and coke. I knew it was way too early to stop getting in the solid food but I had to make the best of the situation right then. I so wish I had carried my Salted Caramel and Mandarin Orange flavoured gels with me right then! At that moment, Sai and Srini arrived at CP4 as well. I quickly checked with them how they were feeling, got Sai what he wanted from the CP and made a move from there. I made a note to myself that Srini was looking as strong as ever and Sai who was unsure about starting the race due to an injury was fighting through that pain and cramps like a champ! I knew somewhere back in the mind that both of them would catch up to me and was looking forward to sharing the trails with them through the night!

“If you think you are going to be miserable, you will be miserable. If you think you will be in pain, you will be in pain.

If you think this is fucking amazing and I’ve never felt more alive. It’s pretty incredible the joy you can find in any situation” — Amelia Boone

Getting out of CP4, I knew I was down on calories but I was prepared for it. I would find anything and everything that felt appetizing to me at each CP, spend some time, get in as much calories as possible and keep moving. The only major issue was all those weird stomach cramps due to dry heaving. I was sure I can get through this but then comes the second stupid mistake of the race. All this while I was in my Nike singlet since it was hot and humid. I had my jacket inside my hydration vest and had kept the Athlos Long Sleeve in the drop bag at CP5 (57K). I got out of the CP4, climbed up to the ridge and it was super windy all of a sudden. I figured, lets get down as fast as possible and change into the long sleeve and the jacket. But then it started raining, and it took me a minute or two to get my jacket out. Now I have my jacket on, but I have a super sweaty wet singlet underneath, the sun has gone down, it was windy and raining! I was bolting down the stairs as fast as possible as I wanted to reach the CP5 and change into warmer clothes. I got to the CP, collected my drop bag and spent some 10 minutes trying to open it up. I was trembling like crazy and had zero co-ordination. One of the volunteers noticed me and rushed me to the medic tent. I was immediately covered with 4–5 blankets, given some tea and vitals were checked. The look on the medic volunteers face said it all! They informed me that my BP was super low, I was borderline hypothermic and it was advisable that I drop out of the race here. At that moment, I still had 19 hours in the race to get through another 46K. I had all the time in the world. So I sat there wrapped up in the blankets and the volunteers were kind enough to get me some warm tea and soup. Meanwhile, Sai and Srini have been searching for me to inform that they were dropping out. Looking at my state, they got me lots of soup, pestered me to eat and asked me to drop out as well. Sai especially was super adamant that there was nothing to prove to anyone, we have one body and it isn’t worth the risk. I sat there silent, made a call to home to inform that I reached CP5, ate more food, got my vitals checked again and they were much better now. I wore all the warm clothes I had, trekking pants, long sleeve tee, borrowed Sai’s jacket, got out my trekking poles, changed my socks, got in some more soup, refilled my bottles, turned on the headlamp and got going. Sai and Srini were super helpful through this phase. Even though they didn’t want me to continue, they respected my decision to go on and helped me out as much as they can. Thanks a ton guys 😄. From my perspective, my vitals were fine now, I got in a lot of soup and tea, changed into warm clothes. The next CP was 13K away and I decided to just hike it as fast as I can, get my vitals checked there as well and then take a decision which felt like a good rationale then. I had my survival blanket with me, mobile phone, warm clothes, 1.2 litres of water/electrolyte and enough borrowed food from Sai. So, I was confident enough of being self sufficient, just in case things get worse.

5:58 AM, I can barely utter a word. I just ran up hundreds of stairs made it to CP7 (78K), 2 minutes under the cut off. I was still tearing up emotionally, I can hear the aid station captain telling me I have 2 minutes to get out! 120 seconds to refill my bottles, eat some real food and get out!

Back to CP5, I got my headlamp on, got out. It was just me, the night and hiking in the woods. There was nothing else I would want to do right then, right there 😻. Believe me, I was super slow. Like so so so slow 🐌. But I still had a respectable hiking pace and I got through the 14K under 4 hours. This was the best phase for me through the entire race effort wise. I was mostly alone, hiking up and hiking down, giving it my all hoping my body would come around and I start running again! I reached CP6 (70K), got my vitals checked, was super happy when I was informed everything was normal, refilled my bottles, got in all the soup that I can (That was the only thing appeasing after all that time on the trail!) 👣. I was in no hurry since I had more than 4 and half hours for the next 8K. I knew my race was fucked up by then, but I still felt like I had lots of time, to slog it out and get this done. Boy, how wrong I was 😢.

After strolling around CP6, I finally made out of it and got going. Things turned south again though 😠. All that calorie deficit caught up to finally. I was barely able to put one foot in front of the other. I thought I was moving slow during the last section, but this was another level of moving slow! I still had time though. I sat down for a bit. Ate up all the food I borrowed from Sai and got moving again. I won’t lie, this section was so so hard. I got into a couple of funky dark phases mentally, places I don’t want to visit ever again, but I still was getting it done, one step in front of the other till the time I was suddenly sleep and couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore! I just wanted to lie down for a minute, but it ended up with me sleeping away to glory for 20 fuckall minutes!

6:01 AM — 120 seconds weren’t enough. I just didn’t have the mental strength. A part of me thinks I intentionally moved slowly so that I can put a fullstop to this race here. I just couldn’t do it for another 25K even had I got out before the cut-off time. The aid station volunteers were so courteous through out the race. I finally sat down. The tears stopped. Before I knew, I had a stupid smile on my face. At the end of it all, it was one hell of a day man, I gave it my all and came up short but that experience in itself made this one of the best days of my life 😃.

“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart” — Helen Keller

Gear used
Shoes — Altra Lone Peak 3.5 (A last minute delivery, thanks to Amit Mehta 😃. These shoes were so good. It gave me enough confidence to run those downhills unlike the Hokas 😠. 22 hours and no blisters, no black toenails!), Injinji Toe socks (Changed socks at 57K, again zero blisters or hotspots! Having said that the quality of these socks has dropped off late though. They just aren’t as durable as the old ones 😧)

Apparel — Athlos Distance shorts (The best running shorts out there, period!); Nike singlet tee till 57K, Athlos Long sleeve post 57K, Kalenji waterproof jacket, Comrades Cap 😉

Accessories — Forclaz Trekking poles (These were my hiking poles, would want to invest in something like the Black Diamond’s the next time), Borrowed headlamp from Santhosh (Thanks a ton man 😄), Nathan Vaporkrar 4l (This was a beast! Had no issues at all whatsoever), Unived Soft flasks (Got the job done)

Nutrition — Unived Ultra Butter, Unived Rrunn During — Orange and Watermelon flavour, Dates, Random stuff from the CPs. The electrolyte mix worked like a boss, I was carrying one soft flask with the electrolyte mix and one with normal water. Coming to the nut butter I have had zero issues whatsoever with it previously. However, I had lost appetite for it like i said and it was either the coconut oil (on account of me not mixing it up well before consuming) from the nut butter or the rice cake with spices that led to my downfall from a nutrition perspective!

Phew, that was a long long write-up! This would not have been possible if not for all the well-wishers. First and foremost, I just can’t do this without my parents. Apart from still giving me food and shelter, they never question my decisions about spending most of my savings on this weird little hobby of mine 😉 😍. Coming to the only other person who means to me as much as my parents, I know you just don’t understand why would someone do this but you are kind enough and matured enough to respect my choices and support me till the end. I just wish that one day you would lace up your shoes Natasha and come hike up those trails with me 😜.

Through the entire race, my legs never gave up on me and I felt super strong. In fact, if not for those two stupid mistakes I can bet my life on the fact that I would have had an amazing second half and would have got home under 17–18 hours. All this would be possible only due to the efforts put in by my coach, Nate Houle in prepping me for such races. I know we have had a rough 2018 coach, but there was a bucketload of learnings involved and I am just getting fitter and fitter. Matter of time before I get one right 😉.

Kieren, the best MUT runner that India has, was kind enough to get on a call and discuss the HK course and how best I should tackle it. Thanks a ton man! Looking forward to dropping by Manali sometime and sharing some miles with you! 😌

It was super fun to travel to this race with Sai, Srini and Lipi. I just wish we could have stuck it out and finished the race though. Well, there is always a next time! Last, but not the least it is possible for me to do a lot of these races due to Hyderabad Runners. The way they conduct long runs, week in, week out, the way all the people in the community come together to give advices wherever needed and selflessly hope that you do well is just something else. Thanks a bunch guys 😘

Coming to the race organisation, it was simply world class. Right from the registration, sorting out my VISA issues, the bib pick-up, the race day, the volunteers at the CP, there was nothing to complain about! In fact, I feel guilty for DNFing after all the effort you guys put into the race. Will definitely come back again! 👐

What next: I already have some goals in my mind for the coming year. Let’s just say it’s going to be a short and furious kind of a running year 🏃 😉.